Why I Can't Relate To Tina Fey

The Perfect Life, as delineated by Vanity Fair regarding Tina Fey:

"Fey is sitting across from Richmond in their comfy, vintage-y Upper West Side apartment, where a lavender exercise ball lolls next to the flat-screen TV, a pink tricycle is parked under a black grand piano, and golden award statuettes abound. When I arrived, at 9:30 p.m., Fey had already put her three-year-old daughter, Alice, to bed and was tapping away on a silver Mac laptop at the kitchen counter on a script for 30 Rock, her slyly hilarious NBC comedy about an NBC comedy. She’ll return to the script when I leave, near midnight...

The 38-year-old Fey sips a glass of white wine and eats some cheese and crackers—all her food-obsessed doppelgänger on 30 Rock, Liz Lemon, longs to do is go home and eat a big block of cheese—while Richmond and I drink vodka martinis he has made."

Sure, I can *totally* relate to that. (eye-roll)

okay, here is my version:

"D'Orazio is sitting across from Sweetie in their rent-controlled, not yet awesome but livable Brooklyn apartment, where a plastic statue of a large Kirby villain versus the Fantastic Four is perched unsteadily on the big hulking soon-to-be-obsolete TV, an unlicensed convention set of the complete GI Joe on DVD is parked in an Ikea shelf, and empty containers of Red Bull abound. When I arrived, at 9:30 p.m., D'Orazio remembered to feed her 14-year-old cat, Thomas, before he vomited again in her shoes, and was tapping away on a battered and scratched Mac laptop balanced on her knees on a post for Occasional Superheroine, her raucous and sometimes infuriating blog about the comic book industry. She’ll try to return to the post when I leave, near midnight, but will be distracted by "Smallville" music videos on YouTube."

"The 34-year-old D'Orazio takes a swig of a glass of red wine and eats some cereal out of the box—all her alter-ego on her blog, Occasional Superheroine, longs to do is to snack on Total Raisin Bran, attain vengeance on her enemies, and maintain a regular bowel schedule—while Sweetie and I drink some more of that excellent Red Bull."

That said, perhaps one day I will be swanky.