Quick...Call The News

It's seems that Al Qaeda has infiltrated a terrorist cell into the sleepy bedroom community that is the Dallas suburb in which Castle Erickson is located. I think they must have given up wholesale terrorism in favor of the retail variety. That, or suicide bombings and airliner hijackings are so passe'.

How do I know that Castle Erickson has been infiltrated you ask? Well, at first it was just little things like the DSL connection inexplicably going down for no reason. Perhaps it was their way of communicating by hijacking my signal. That was annoying, but decidedly not terrifying. Next was the demolition of the shower...wait a minute, scratch that. I demolished the shower at The Queen's behest. Perhaps she thought Al Qaeda had seeded the walls with mold or something.

Now, however, there is no denying the existence of an Al Qaeda cell in the castle following the discovery of a dead body. In the back yard no less.

The horror this poor soul must have experienced must have been unimaginable. No responsibility for this travesty was claimed; however, the beheading and body placement are classic Al Qaeda signatures.

The main suspect in the investigation has been under suspicion for some time. Here is a recent photo to be used for wanted posters.

Note the attempt to avert the eyes away from prying cameras. Note the complete and total disrespect for authority by sticking out the tongue. Investigators believe this subject to be the master mind behind to plot to depose The Queen; however, the actual perpetrator of this crime is believed to be a long time accomplice who can be recognized from this undated file photo.

If you should spot either of these two suspected terrorists, don't attempt to detain them without a Holy Hand Grenade. Call authorities immediately.